krisheath.com

With Louise out playing Netball tonight and close to nothing to do, I can’t help but notice I haven’t updated this thing properly since the 2nd of April! Yes, that is correct 3 months ago!

Yet again I cannot explain where the time has gone, the visitor season is over and as heat of the desert has well and truly set in, I thought it about time I got back on the net and kept my discerning viewers (yes you, even if its your first visit, I am counting it) ‘in the loop’ with the escapades of the last 90 days.

I am that far behind and so well aware of my audiences attention span that I am opting to split this period ‘assessment’ into a 2-part series. Not least because my wit fades with every word I type and I do try to keep you all entertained.

Where to start the blame for such a void in time?

Shortly after my last post, 1 day to be precise, Pete ‘Pistol’ Sadler and ‘Pilsbury’ JP arrived at ‘casa de Heath/Koele’ at another all too convenient 5:30am.

As outlined previously, I have spent many a 90 minutes on a football pitch with this duo, well more the last 10 when it comes to Pete, but we can’t all be great at football can we England.

There were plenty of memorable moments from their stay, a brief summary can be found below:

The ridicule of JP with his reluctance to take his shirt off on the beach on day 2, only to find that those last 10 minutes of the day topless (following peer pressure), would only result in a far from healthy ‘red glow’.

A few nights out watching the champions league, with Pete getting ID’d at one point and not being allowed inside the bar! Do not fret, all was not lost; JP and I had a great view of the game, propping up the bar.

An adventure into the desert on Quad bikes. I do somewhat regret swapping quads with Pete (for no more than 2 minutes) then climbing a dune to find him, covered in sand, the upside quad only a distant focal point. Oh well, we got some great photos and only 30 quid for subsequent bent handlebars, bargain!

A fairly messy night out that left the ever entertaining Pete attempting handstands, on a box, in the middle of a beach bar. Alas, the night was not complete without him attempting to pull one of our female friends, with boyfriend in toe. (sorry guys)

Louise and I learnt some new words, ‘Rat’ being the most prolific closely followed by ‘Filth’ and a phrase that had us giggling for weeks after the boys had left – Pete definitely executed the definition of ‘lezzing up’, on numerous occasions!

Pete and JP have been by far the most active of the visitors to date, with very little left to try next time they come over! They even had a go at snowboarding at Ski Dubai, an indoor Ski Slope!

What we needed after that was some R & R. Bring on Louise’s Parents!

In keeping with the rest of our guests, the New Zealanders insisted on getting Louise and I out of bed a stupid o’clock for another trip to the airport. We cant complain really, we love having people over and it’s only a 10-minute drive…

A relaxing week was had by all involved, we conducted the usual tour of Dubai and managed to show Richard and Margot the delights of our humble abode, with added pleasure for Richard in allowing him to beat me on the Golf Course not once, but three times! Who wouldn’t want a son-in-law-to-be so courteous I ask you?

That’s not to say we didn’t manage to coax the folks into a fair bit of drinking during their visit, though I do feel I was maybe drinking alone a few too many times, expecting that someone would join in, pleading in fact. I believe we adjudged that Louise’s mom should drink more, one glass of Ginger Wine and lemonade and she was ready for bed! (Speaking of which, I need to seek out the local AA events)

Whilst most of ‘The Koele’s’ were in town we were also fortunate enough to catch a concert of two absolute lengendary artists, Spandau Ballet and the one and only Rod Stewart! On a scale of ‘One’ to ‘Totally Awesome’, Spandau rocked the place, with all three songs that I knew and a plethora of other offerings. Rod was good but age is clearly getting to him, he dashed off stage in between every song to change, I think he may have last control of his bladder a couple of times. At a whopping 65 years of age, he tried his best and, Rod being Rod, he was joined on stage by a dozen or so scantily clad girls who were young enough to be his grand-daughter’s, or is that next wives?

We hope they enjoyed their stay and the facilities were adequate for their perusal, we both enjoyed the company and the fantastic meals that Mr Koele took it upon himself to cook for us (in exchange for half a beer per plate served), aided by the whole posse, of course.
A parting gift, which we will be eternally grateful for, is a microwave, which they never used but obviously wanted to tell us something. I enjoyed my 37th microwave dinner this evening, in Louises absence, so thank you to the Koele’s for the savior of my nights alone!

Anyway, if my ego serves me right, you are hearing my voice in your head as you read this and are probably almost in a trance from the sound of my ramblings, so I will bid you adieu (bless you) for this edition and will see you in part 2.

Right, I’ve just come up for air amidst a flurry of guests and glanced at the site to notice it’s been a month since the last post. Are you sitting comfortably? Then I’ll begin…..

The first visitors in the onslaught were Jenny and Lee. Their arrival rekindled memories of the UK, as the last time we saw them, we were waving them off at Digbeth Coach Station following a two-month stop-over in the Greatest of Barrs.

They were happier than ever, reveling in the couples’ recent engagement – at last Lee had plucked up the courage to get down on one knee, on a beach no less, what a hopeless romantic he is.
I must add that, not so romantic, was his lure to the beach once everything was prepared. If I remember correctly it was in hope of seeing two sea lions ‘making love’ that Jenny bounded across to the beach, only to be met by Lee, shaking like the proverbial defecating dog, arm outstretched, knee to the sand.

As detailed in my previous scrawl as a fixed event for any visitor, we introduced Jen and Lee to the all important Brunch while they were here, showed them as many delights as possible and just to top it off they were the first visitors to see the new vehicle I have purchased to get us around the sand haven that is Dubai. The highlight of their trip, I’m sure…

Lee and I took part in another new favourite activity of mine during their time here. We dropped Louise and Jen at the mall, where we knew they would be safe… before heading off to the desert in search of quad bike fun and frolics!

The UAE being the UAE, we found it very difficult to find the place and ended up in Ras Al Khaimah, another Emirate about an hour North (ish) of Dubai. After a brief stop at Rotana, The Cove for Lunch (a fantastic resort I would urge anyone to visit) we eventually found ‘quad bike central’, parted with our Dirhams and then headed off into the Dunes.
It was my first time on quads, or a bike of any sort for that matter, which is my excuse for mistiming some lumps and bumps in the desert and ending up in a bush about 3 metres from the bike. Lee also showed me that experience doesn’t necessarily mean you are going to have a comfortable afternoon, dropping about 1.5m from the top of a dune, that only had one side, to hurt his chest on the handlebars as he landed. Needless to say, other than the yelp he exhaled, he ‘manned up’ and we proceeded to have a great time bashing the dunes without the safety of a driver and protective metal all around that 4×4 provides.

The 4 days they were here flew by, as they passed through on their way to another season sailing the ocean as ship hands around some amazing places and we are definitely looking forward to the return trip, fingers crossed! That’s if we don’t get to them first!

Next through the door were Pete and Claire, another couple on the verge of cementing their lives together, getting married on the 8th May, commiserations to the both of them (moreso Claire).
The convenience of us living in Dubai was surely proved while they were here, Pete and Claire chose to use our humble abode as a base to seek out wedding bands for the big day, with a side bonus that they would get to catch up with some old friends while they were here.

They stayed for 4 days, again we indulged in a Brunch, again at Cabana, and most of us carried on afterward, leaving one ‘wife-to-be’ in bed at 8pm following the afternoons’ cocktailinous mayhem.
Bless her, she was that drunk that the morning after she insisted that she had come out with us on the night. For the sanctity of the wedding night, if you do go to the wedding and eye Claire with a drink in hand, please remove it from her grasp.




Hopefully we managed to squeeze enough into their time here to give them a good view of Dubai and hopefully when they are all wedded up they will visit again for a longer period. Louise and I will both miss Pete’s lack of ironed shirts in his suitcase and Claire’s excitement at purchasing some ‘designer’ handbags.

Closely following Pete and Claire, within 2 days I believe, Heidi descended on Dubai for 2 weeks as part of her around the world trip 2010.
After having to cram so much into short spaces of time with other guests, the relief also came on the plane with Heidi as we could spread out the tourism and Louise could spend plenty of time catching up and reminiscing about the good old times. Relaxation ensued.

Yet more good times were had with Heidi, she fitted in well with our working week and had enough to keep her occupied during the day, with Louise taking a couple of days off in between to show her around.

Brunch did not disappoint, surprisingly at Cabana and very messy. We all got fairly sozzled in the blazing sunshine that now seems to have cited the start of the inferno known as Summer here. We concluded proceedings at Barasti, spread out on bean bags on the beach sipping our beveri of choice (A cheeky new word for beverages).




Looking back, I think we went everywhere possible in the 2 weeks that Heidi was here, Louise bought tickets to see Paulo Nutini while he was here for Heidi’s birthday (not specifically) and we ate at some cracking places and chilled at others. We even managed to squeeze in a trip to the cinema to watch Alice in Wonderland (did anyone else think that the screen was a bit dark?).
Louise is already pining for her best friend and can’t wait for her to be back in NZ so she can get on Skype to catch up on more goss, That’s probably when the next update will hit the site, in the 2 hours I will have spare when that happens.

Sorry for the lengthy post, I’ll wrap it up here by bringing you up to speed on our lives;

Louise has now secured a permanent role with the company she was working for (Al Tamimi), with a well earned pay rise, so can I get a whoop whoop for that? Holler! Hopefully that is the last thing we need to really settle into Dubai.
Work is going well for both of us and we are still enjoying the culture and surroundings we find ourselves in every day, we recently got a last minute kind invite to the Dubai World Cup at possible the biggest race course in the world, funnily enough in Dubai, the Meydan.

The day was awesome, the food was great, the horses were, well horses, the fireworks and airshow were spectacular, as expected, and we even got to watch Sir Elton John, live!
2 bad things from the day were queuing outside in 40 degrees to get in and the time that it finished, Santana began shrieking on his guitar at about 1.15am, following EJ, which prompted out departure into a 60k strong exiting crowd, we got home at 2am, on a school night, tut tut.

Just as a bit of envious reading for the Brits amongst you, last week averaged 38 degrees throughout, with zero rain and zero snow. Though to ease your mood, before you try to find a virus to take down this site, Louise and I have both burnt, peeled and are in the process of burning again so it’s not all fun and we are pastey as ever.
With the last of the cool breezes blowing through Dubai it feels like a hot summer is upon us with 90% humidity. If you want to know what that feels like, get yourself down to Botanical Gardens in the room with the Cacti, phew!

We have a couple more guests en’ route as I type in Pete and JP, so I better help Louise with the cleaning or she’ll slap me, again (joke, honest), but we are back in the UK on the 16th April and are going out on the 17th to see everyone, I hope you can make it!
Accept the invites on Facebook you horrible lot! We miss you all!

Ta-ra a bit…

On the basis that the next 28 days brings only 7 where our apartment will be quiet enough to think, I thought it prudent to bash out a quick blog while I have the time.

Matt Greens’ visit brought some new experiences, most notable of which would have to be our virgin voyage into the pastime that attracts binge drinkers from all over the world, the infamous ‘Dubai Brunch’.
If you haven’t heard of this phenomenon I will take a couple of sentences to sum it up – 4 hours of ‘chain drinking’ until your eyes are oozing the amber nectar, with a spot of barbecue food. Then, at 5pm (yes, it starts at 1pm), a move to another licensed venue to continue until your legs become numb.

A cheap day (in Dubai terms), the first 4 hours of swilling back 12 bottles of beer with a fairly wholesome spread of meat and veg, costing a measly 40 English Pounds. The rest of the afternoon/evening is then down to your own thoughts on the matter, either slowing down and staying in the ‘I’m very drunk’ stage thus saving money or, and as is usually the choice of the discerning Expat, a move onto Shots of Tequila and spirits on Dubai measures (They dont just go over the top on the buildings out here).

I’m sure there was plenty more that happened during the night but at this point I will hide behind the ‘what goes on tour’ metaphor and on the fact, that after about 8pm, I cease to remember a great deal.

A fantastic night had by all that could only be topped off by the walk home, where the god’s decided to make an early attempt at watering down the alcohol content in our veins. Needless to say we were fairly wet, fairly drunk, and fairly broke when we safely arrived home at 2am.

I have gone into quite a lot of detail here as I want to prepare any visitors over the next month or so that this has been decided to be a rudimentary outing for all of our guests.

Whilst Matt was here we also thought we would seize the opportunity to get to the top of the Burj Khalifa, the newly opened spectacle that Louise, my folks and I attended the opening of in January. Unfortunately due to a ‘technical hitch / electrical fault’, the 124th floor observation deck was shut down on the 7th Feb, one month after opening. I bet the Frogs didn’t have this problem with the Eiffel Tower!
It is yet to re-open, but we will be up there like the proverbial rats up a drainpipe as soon as we get chance, hopefully with a visitor in the next few weeks.

I will continue to push my feelings that doubtless, much like the Eiffel tower, when you are up on the observation deck there will always seem to be something missing from the amazing skylines as you look out across the horizon… the very construction you are standing in!

The last event we dragged Matt along to was a desert safari.
Now, the observant of you will probably know that this is my 3rd safari in 4 weeks, with Louise and I taking my parents and then my work organising an end of year adventure across the dunes. I have enjoyed them all immensely, with varying degrees of ‘brown trousers’, but to put you in the picture with this one, whilst making idle chit-chat with the driver ‘en route to the desert we asked him how long he had been doing the safari’s. His response? ‘It’s my first day…’
After nervously looking around the car, we all put 2 and 2 together and decided he was pulling our legs, what a funny guy. Fortunately he was… well I say fortunately, he had actually been doing it for 5 years and about, erm, 30 seconds into the dune bashing he showed us that he was more than competent. All of you that know Matt Green will no doubt have come across his quite frankly ‘frightening’ driving, I have never seen Matt quietly hysterically chuckle to himself whilst his knuckles went white from the grip on the grab handles in the Land Cruiser.
Quite honestly it felt like it was the drivers last day, leaving the company under poor circumstances, feeling he should go down in a blaze of glory, taking the lives of 6 innocent passengers, but making it look like an accident.

Again we were sad to see the hairy back of another visitor on 13th Feb (well most days really, but this was the last time we’d see him for a couple of months), but onwards we must go with our lives and towards the next visitors on our list.
Two engaged couples will be coming over the next 28 days, (Jen & Lee and Pete & Claire), followed closely by Louises globetrotting counterpart, Heidi, who comes in a mid March.

Let the good times roll… whoop whoop!

Since October 14th, Louise and I have doubtless been through every emotion in the human psychi, too many to list, but I’m fairly confident the majority of them have been splayed across my previous scribblings on these blogs.

To begin where I left off, Christmas came and went without a murmour, New Year, however, was a different story.
A unique experience indeed, Louise and I stood shoulder to shoulder with 4998 other people from all corners of the Earth, with no concern of creed or colour, on the beach at Barasti, with one united aim for the evening coursing through our minds – to get absolutely hammered and see in 2010 in, arguably, the most ellaborate way possible, the Dubai way. Louise and I wore white as directed, apparently not everyone had read the tickets…
In typical Dubai fashion, the DJ at the beach bar still had two minutes left on his countdown clock of 2009 when the spectacle that is Atlantis, the hotel at the peak of the Palm Jumeirah (possibly the biggest acheivement of modern man), literally burst into life.
‘A firework show’ would be an understatement, completely unfazed by the DJ somewhat missing the mark, I counted 12 minutes from beginning to end for the event and believe me an event it was. I have seen some fireworks displays in my time, (apologies for the geriatric reference there) but this was by far the biggest and most awe-inspiring use of pyrotechics experienced by Louise and myself.
There are people starving in the world, people losing jobs and having to cut back on life’s little luxuries, but not Dubai, estimates upwards of GBP 2mil please, Recession? What Recession…

A brilliant night followed by an enjoyable week starting on the 1st Jan 2010, all started by a trip to the airport at 7am to pick up my Mom and Dad, an abvious struggle, I’m sure you’ll all feel our pain.
My folks spent 6 nights with us that Louise and I relished, it was our first opportunity to attempt to show what Dubai has to offer and we couldn’t have asked for more fitting guinea pigs. I’m not sure if it felt much like a holiday to them, but we did our damndest to fit in as much as we could; a tour of the whole city, a desert safari, fast food on the beach, rightly topped off by possibly the biggest positive event the world will see for a while, the opening of the Burj Khalifa.

I’m not going to bore you with the detail, as this post has already gone on long enough, but I would urge you to check out the various ‘youtube’ posts of the event to get a feel for the whole experience. We were sat about 200m from the foot of the building at ‘lake fountain’ and had a cracking view of the proceedings. We thought the New Year display was amazing, this mother took not only ‘the biscuit’ but the whole pack of biscuits, from the cupboard!

It was obviously sad to see the folks go but hope that they left with the same warm feeling about Dubai as Louise and I get everytime the sun rises in the morning. The only downside to this is that they will no doubt have had the same thoughts as us, how difficult is it going to be to leave here?

In an effort to finish on an upbeat moment, Louise is now a week into a new job at the most renowned Law Firm in Dubai, maybe the whole of the UAE, as an International Credit Controller. She has a huge task ahead of her, collecting AED 8M, thats GBP 1.3M of 18-month old debt, in 3 months.
Please charge your glasses for the Kiwi of the hour, god knows she’ll be drinking a few of them by the end of it.

So, we’ve made it through the first 3 months of our new life; things are eventually starting to settle down as we have a place to live, food in the cupboards, we have found our way around (painfully, I might add), work is good for me and Louise is now up and running, and working for that matter. More importantly, no more ‘Visa Runs!’

Next on our visit list is a good friend Matt Green, speaking of which I better go and push the Vac round. I feel it only right at this point to steal his email sign-off….

Safe, Sound, Touch the Ground
(obviously a personal sign-off, not on his professional HSBC emails, honest)